Saturday, July 17, 2010

Shattered Dreams, Hearts & Disco Balls

Hello,  my name is Kandee and I have a shattered dream.

Do you have a shattered dream or heart that's broken into pieces?

I remember when I drove home, from Hollywood, with the load of all my belongings, my hot pink couch and all my vintage collections of Hawaiian tiki cups. I felt like I needed a separate trailer to haul all the pieces of my shattered dream. I was driving home to go live with my parents who were going through a divorce, with my little 4 year old in the backseat. But little did I know, this shattered dream would shine more light and love into my life than this old dream would've ever have given to me.

I had struggled in LA (and later worked there without all these struggles! ha ha ha), with not really any "true" friends, trying to work as many make-up jobs as I could, trying to go on auditions, and work a waitresing job, to help pay for all my son's preschool.
I had dreamed of being an actress since I could remember, I would write movies and credits for movies and I would pedal my bike down the street and imagine the movie I was in. I was in musicals and plays all throughout my childhood. When I worked on my first movie, I cried because my heart was so overjoyed that this was MY DREAM!!! I remember being on jobs, working on celebrities, on movies or tv shows, thinking...I wish I was the one getting my make-up done to play this role. I would walk from the make-up trailer and go talk to the lighting guys, and watch as the star that I just made up, was about to go do the very thing that I dreamed of doing.

I remember tears rolling down my face as I drove home to my parents,  I felt like not just my heart was broken, my hope and my dreams were too. (I've felt this way over guys before too, it's not just for dreams either!)
Later I realized that I could've sat among the broken pieces of my dream, looking at each shattered, sharp piece, asking why and letting those broken pieces cut me,  make me bleed and hurt me. That is what we tend to do sometimes, we sit in the middle of our broken-ness, and we keep staying there hurting ourselves even more, instead of gluing the pieces back together to make an amazing mosaic of beauty, to shine more sparkle and love into our future.  I've done this with a broken heart too, I'd sit and only remember the best of times with that person, I'd sit and hold the broken pieces of how I dreamed our life to be. Not realizing that the ones that break our hearts, give us a shattered piece that will shine light on a new path, to find the real one, that will never dare hurt our heart or leave us.

Those shattered pieces began to reflect more light, like a glittering disco ball, onto a new, even more amazing dream that I could've ever dreamed!

What I have been able to do, with this blog and through Youtube, is a dream that began sparkling from one of those shattered pieces. Knowing that I have inspired any of you, touched any of your hearts, and changed any of your lives, is a dream more amazing than getting some role in a movie, could ever be! I was put in a place, far from my dreams, but with no way of making them happen, but by being there, I found a  way

Each of you are my sparkling dreams. Each comment or message or precious heart that I meet, each one of you are little flowers in my dream garden!

I want you to know, no matter how badly your dream or your heart feels shattered, know that in those shattered pieces, is where the most beautiful treasures are waiting to make your heart sparkle! Many times our hearts feel shattered, but in that broken-ness, just might be the sparkle to shine light on a new love, a new dream, a new hope.

I am thankful for every guy that shattered my heart, because one of those broken pieces became a twinkly light, that shined out onto the one that I love no. The broken piece of my heart that they cracked, has been put back together to be such a beautiful mosaic (like the picture above) of sparkling love.
We are like twinkling disco balls, made up of lots of little bits and pieces of broken mirror, shining bright to light up the world! If you feel shattered and broken....REJOICE! You are about to put back together something more beautiful, more sparkling, more bright and more amazing than you even can dream of!

huge love from your super-shattered, disco ball of twinkle.... kandee

*please feel free to share this with someone who has a shattered heart or dream...keep the love going!

This one is an entry from Kandee Johnson's blog. Feel free to check her musings at --   


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